This is a “how NOT to” guide. Or perhaps a “how to dump someone in the nastiest way possible” guide. Choose one, depending on what you plan for this Valentine’s Day. The following products are the stupidest presents for Valentine’s Day we could find.

9. Beer Mug of Blooms. The only thing this says is “Honey, I went out to buy you the most beautiful bouquet for this special day, but I got lost and ended up in the pub.” Not the message you want to send on Valentine’s.

8. Love Stinks Soap Set. I have to admit it’s a funny idea (love stinks, let’s wash it off with a nice soap), but the whole point of this holiday is that love is great. Save this for when you want to dump him/her.

7. Talking Rose. Who invents these things? A plastic rose with a microphone? A fake flower and a recording can never replace a real one and a passionate “I love you”. Save your money for better things.

6. USB Pig Radio. Adorable, sure. But guys, pink is not always a sign that the product is made for Valentine’s. She’ll only think you’re saying she’s fat like a pig.

5. Valentine Heart Toilet Paper. Only for girls who think Valentine’s is overrated. Put this in the bathroom on your girlfriend’s favourite day and prepare to get the silent treatment.

4. Halitosis Detector (bad breath, that is). “My love, your breath stinks.” No. Never. Do not even think about it.

3. “Dumped” Despair Inc. Bitersweets. If you’re feeling real mean, wrap the box in a nice paper and watched her stunned face as she reads the messages on the seemingly-harmless candy hearts.

2. Diet Decision Maker magnet. The USB pig might have suggested she’s fat, this one is outright saying it. Guaranteed to get you dumped.

1. And, last but definitely not least… Breast Suspenders. I hope I don’t have to spell this out for you. NO.

Fill the bed with rose petals? Check. Buy a big bouquet of the favorite flowers? Check. Get the mandatory heart-shaped boc of chocolates? Check. What else would you need for a perfect Valentine’s?

Why, of course, Valentine Heart Toilet Paper. Why should she forget it’s Valentine’s just because she’s going to the toilet? Just make sure your girlfriend has a sense of humor. If she thinks you’re trying to make fun of this “special day”… you might get the wrong results.

How much under $29.99?
A lot: $6.95 on WhatOnEarthCatalog.com.

This is seriously the cutest thing ever. Extremely geeky too – which is awesome. Everyone wishes for that special feeling when you want to shout to the world that you’re in love.

Shouting will probably earn you a few scowls, however, but who could object if you wear your heart on your chest?

It’s called the 8-Bit Dynamic Life Shirt. First step, buy two of them. Put one on, give the other to your partner. When you’re far away from each other, each t-shirt will display two and a half pixelated lit-up hearts. But get in a 2 meters radius of each other and the hearts will start lighting up until they reach full power!

Don’t have a significant other? Then you can profess your love to your PC, for example. Just buy a transmitter pack for $11.99 and place it near the object of your affection (bad pun, yeah), and your t-shirt will light up whenever you get close to it.

Absolutely awesome, and ThinkGeek is right on spot when it says it’s the ideal Valentine’s Day gift. Unless your partener hates modern technology, in which case stay away or you’re cause a relationship crisis. (But, since you’re reading this blog, admit it: geek is better.)

How much under $29.99?
A little: Each $24.99 on ThinkGeek.com.

Via Coolest Gadgets