If you’ve always dreamt of having a pen like James Bond or Chuck has, well, this might just be your lucky day. I’ve stumbled across the Uzi Tactical Pen. Uzi as in the open bolt, blowback-operated submachine guns. We’re off to a good start, eh?

Next, we have a list of features that proves that you need this pen more than you’ve ever thought of. It has a DNA Catcher, located on the crown of the pen, which is very sharp, that can be used to both hit your attacker and get a DNA sample to give to the police in case of such a unfortunate event should occur. The crown can also be used to break glass and it can write in any given conditions: upside down or even underwater. It comes with a 1 year warranty and it’s made out a type of aluminum used for aircrafts. Yup, it’s that cool.

How much under $29.99?
Some: $16.75 on Amazon.

Via CoolestGadgets.

Usually man has come up with tools and inventions that would make his life easier: the wheel, cars, icecream. But once in a while, man puts his intricate mind at work and comes up with some device or tool that challenges the senses. Why? Well, because he can.

So if you thought time telling was something easy, how about trying to figure out what time it is on this Time Cube? Talk about the relativity of time and space, huh? It will look really cool on your desk, you do have to admit it. This clock (although I find it hard to call it that) looks like it has just dropped out of a spaceship.

How much under $29.99?
Some: $19.95 on Amazon.

Via Bookfishjoe.

Your office is a boring place. Yes, it is. But we’ve got just the way to spice it up… and make your co-workers cower in fear: a couple of Ninja Star Push Pins in well-chosen places.

They’re fairly harmless, but look pretty impressive until you realize they’re not really embedded in your desk and the “I HATE U” note on it. But next time… you never know.

Alternately, they can make fun props for important business presentations. Extra points if one of the bigshots smirks when he sees what’s keeping up the sheet with the marketing plan.

How much under $29.99?
Some: $11.99 on ThinkGeek.com.

I’m going to spare you all the food related jokes and stick to the subject: the Mini Cheeseburger Vacuum. It’s just like all the other desk vacuums, only it’s shaped like an unappealing sandwich (that costs several times more than your last fast food snack).

Is the cute factor worth $20? No (and it doesn’t even look nice), but some will disagree. After all, you need to spend some money to be a successful slob.

On the other hand, a real vacuum (even a small one) would be much more effective and useful all around the house… so no, you no can haz cheeseburger.
(Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

How much under $29.99?
Some: $20 on FredFlare.com.

Via Gizmodo

Just like wannabe-MacGyvers need multitools, any wannabe geek needs a special pen – the more things it does, the better, extra points if they facilitate his interaction with his beloved gadgets.

The Ultimate 5-in-1 Geek Pen doesn’t seem exactly “ultimate”, but it qualifies as a pretty sweet thing nonetheless. It’s average size, but it manages to cram a lot of things in a small volume: a ballpoint pen, a stylus, a flexible-shaft flashlight, an UV light and a red laser pointer.

Don’t be underwhelmed, not everything needs to play mp3s and have an USB connection. Just think of the fun you’ll have with a cat and a laser! Plus, you know, tapping important things on your touchscreen and all that.
(Seriously, you just want to tease the cat while you’re writing to-do lists, admit it.)

How much under $29.99?
A lot: $9.99 on ThinkGeek.com.

Do you have a World of Warcraft loving friend and you have no idea what to get him or her? We’ve had a few suggestions in the past, but how many t-shirts can a person wear? Especially if the work environment isn’t exactly tolerant of casual wear.

On the other hand, the World of Warcraft 2009 Page-a-Day Daily Calendar might be unobtrusive enough to get ignored by the boss. After all, it’s just some pictures, why would they mind?

And it seems like the perfect fix for the WoW addict: each ripped page will mean a new character to uncover, so even when there’s no way to game, at least there’s a piece of Azeroth there on the desk…

How much under $29.99?
Some: $11.99 on Amazon.com.

You know those days when you’re angry at the world and your mantra is “don’t talk to me don’t talk to me or I’ll rip your head off”? Maybe your poor co-workers deserve some sort of advance warning. And since not everyone is on Facebook…

The Daily Mood Flipchart acts as offline social networking. There’s 47 moods to choose from and they each come with a matching smiley plus a definition, fascinating facts and sample sentences which might make you laugh and spoil your bad mood.

Desk calendars are useless, really. If you really want to occupy the space with something, this can at least provide a bit of entertainment.

How much under $29.99?
A lot: $7.99 on PerpetualKid.com.

Via RedFerret

Unless you’re still in school, you probably haven’t used a pencil in a long, long time. But the Electric Banana Eraser will make you wish you still used one…

If you’ve written in pencil a lot or had subjects in school that required a lot of drawing, you know how annoying erasing can get after a while. But this eraser makes it fun: it makes the pencil marks go away by… vibrating. It sounds naugthy but it’s not, it’s just office supplies.

Why a banana? We don’t want to know.

How much under $29.99?
A lot: $6.50 on Jlist.com.

Via Random Good Stuff

I’m embarassed to admit it, but I would love a Hot Lunch Bag. It’s the last step in my autonomy project: if I got something to keep my drinks cold (mini-fridge), my tea hot (USB mug warmer) and my food edible (USB powered lunchbox) I could live 90% of my life around the computer (a cathether would make it 100% but it sounds uncomfortable).

The one bad thing about the lunchbox is that it won’t heat the food enough to kill bacteria, so if you’re worried about that, stick to the microwave. But when it comes to keeping food warm until lunch time (or living on the edge and not worrying about germs), it sounds perfect.

It only needs an USB port and it looks small enough to share your desk space without getting in the way. On the other hand, it means half a chicken won’t fit inside… but since it comes from Japan, no one expects it to.

And hey, it will encourage you to eat healthier. As far as I’m concerned, any kind of food is great as long as it’s available without hassle.

How much under $29.99?
A little: ~$20 on Thanko.jp.

Via Coolest Gadgets

Duct tape isn’t a terribly interesting thing, so when I saw a roll refered to as a great innovation I went a little bit “wtf”.

But… the 3M Scotch Transparent High Performance Duct Tape really does sound special. First off, it’s transparent and just as durable as the grey kind, so it can be used for fixing things more incospicuously than its counterpart. But there’s more: it doesn’t wrinkle, it can be torn off the roll by hand and, best of all, it can be lifted off surfaces without leaving sticky goo behind.

It’s difficult to get excited about duct tape, but I think I am. Then again, I always had a thing for office supplies…

How much under $29.99?
A lot: $7.30 on Amazon.com.

Via uncrate