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If you’re desperate for a woman but they don’t seem to want you… just ask more of them. However, one small problem: it takes so much damn time. Imagine being able to communicate with a woman in under a minute.

The Why I Must Have Sex With You Pad comes to the rescue with its 60 pages of carefully crafted messages. Well, messages of a sort, anyway.

It’s got three types of checkboxes: time, plead and reason. There’s a lot of reasons you can choose from, ranging from the simple pastime (“I’ve got 10 minutes to kill”, “I’m bored”, “There’s nothing on TV”) to the eccentric (“Meditation makes me horny”) to the slightly twisted (“My therapist suggested it”, “To boost my self-esteem”, “To keep you from dumping me”).

There’s one for every possible solution (and some for the impossible), and all you need to do is tick the appropriate boxes then make sure it reaches the right person. With a couple of envelopes you can even send more off at a time… Think of all those hours and restaurant dinners and trying to pretend you’re listening you’ll save!

How much under $29.99?
A lot: $6.99 on KnockKnock.biz.